The Marine recruiters were more than happy to see me come through the door. Although they kept pointing out that the Air Force recruiters were next door. Partly because my ASVAB score was almost perfect, but also because I weighed a whopping 130 pounds. I left for boot camp on January 23, 1994 weighing a massive 140 pounds. When I graduated boot camp on April 15, 1994 the whole platoon did our final weigh-in. My name was called...starting weight 140...graduation weight 185. In 82 days I had put on 45 pounds. My mom walked right by me. She was looking for her skinny little boy. My dad was proud of me and that made those 82 days worth it.
The next 4 years are still a blur. Camp Johnson and Camp Lejeune in North Carolina and then MCAS Futenma in Okinawa Japan. Coming home was quite the culture shock. Being back in the civilian world was hard. I had gotten so used to being a Marine that being anything else was very difficult. I few years after separating from the Marines I was lost and looking for my "what do I do now" career. I had grown up in the church and now worked with the youth at our church and decided I would go to seminary. That experience has given me some serious weapons to combat the theological ramblings of the fundy Christian. THANKS SWBTS!
Anyway, in late 2000 my whole world changed. My little brother, who I love and respect, came out to the family. To a family of super conservative fundamentalist southern baptists this was a world rocker. I did what any good fundy would do and tried desperately to "pray the gay out". It broke my heart to know that my brother would spend his life being shunned by many (including our older brother) and have to deal with constant discrimination and judging. I struggled for years with how to deal with this situation in our family. My answer was to tell him every time I talked to him that I loved him but did not approve of his choices. That sounds funny now. Choices.
The day finally came that I sat down with him and asked the one question that had been bothering me for years. "Little bro...why would you choose to live this way?" His answer would shake my beliefs about homosexuality to the core. "I wake up in the morning knowing that people are going to hate me, talk bad about me behind my back, give me dirty looks, shield their kids from me, totally discriminate against me...wondering if some ignorant person is going to try to hurt me that day...why in the hell would I CHOOSE to be the way I am." I responded the best way I knew how...I said nothing. I had no idea what to say. I had never actually thought about that side of it. I could feel everything I ever knew or thought I knew about homosexuality that was taught to me through years of brainwashing collapsing around me.
That single event allowed me to open up my brain, actually use it to form my own opinions and logically think through facts and fiction, and change my life forever. Over the last 11 years I have become non-religious. This does not mean I do not believe in a God. It means I do not believe that organized religion and it's antiquated rules and traditions still apply to the modern world. I believe that evolution is real. Things evolve. People evolve. Beliefs evolve. I have evolved and am still evolving. All I know is that I believe God is love. Grace is real and is not conditional. I do not believe that Christians are the only ones with the right answer. I think God is worshipped in many different forms and is not defined by one group of people. I also know that not everything can be explained. Sometimes shit just happens. Hope you enjoy my ramblings...by no means do I claim to know it all...I just know how I feel.
**UPDATE** My dad requested that I add that he too has changed and we now think a lot alike. He has apologized many times for the brainwashing I received as a child. He has a blog as well if you are interested. I will put it on my main page.
The next 4 years are still a blur. Camp Johnson and Camp Lejeune in North Carolina and then MCAS Futenma in Okinawa Japan. Coming home was quite the culture shock. Being back in the civilian world was hard. I had gotten so used to being a Marine that being anything else was very difficult. I few years after separating from the Marines I was lost and looking for my "what do I do now" career. I had grown up in the church and now worked with the youth at our church and decided I would go to seminary. That experience has given me some serious weapons to combat the theological ramblings of the fundy Christian. THANKS SWBTS!
Anyway, in late 2000 my whole world changed. My little brother, who I love and respect, came out to the family. To a family of super conservative fundamentalist southern baptists this was a world rocker. I did what any good fundy would do and tried desperately to "pray the gay out". It broke my heart to know that my brother would spend his life being shunned by many (including our older brother) and have to deal with constant discrimination and judging. I struggled for years with how to deal with this situation in our family. My answer was to tell him every time I talked to him that I loved him but did not approve of his choices. That sounds funny now. Choices.
The day finally came that I sat down with him and asked the one question that had been bothering me for years. "Little bro...why would you choose to live this way?" His answer would shake my beliefs about homosexuality to the core. "I wake up in the morning knowing that people are going to hate me, talk bad about me behind my back, give me dirty looks, shield their kids from me, totally discriminate against me...wondering if some ignorant person is going to try to hurt me that day...why in the hell would I CHOOSE to be the way I am." I responded the best way I knew how...I said nothing. I had no idea what to say. I had never actually thought about that side of it. I could feel everything I ever knew or thought I knew about homosexuality that was taught to me through years of brainwashing collapsing around me.
That single event allowed me to open up my brain, actually use it to form my own opinions and logically think through facts and fiction, and change my life forever. Over the last 11 years I have become non-religious. This does not mean I do not believe in a God. It means I do not believe that organized religion and it's antiquated rules and traditions still apply to the modern world. I believe that evolution is real. Things evolve. People evolve. Beliefs evolve. I have evolved and am still evolving. All I know is that I believe God is love. Grace is real and is not conditional. I do not believe that Christians are the only ones with the right answer. I think God is worshipped in many different forms and is not defined by one group of people. I also know that not everything can be explained. Sometimes shit just happens. Hope you enjoy my ramblings...by no means do I claim to know it all...I just know how I feel.
**UPDATE** My dad requested that I add that he too has changed and we now think a lot alike. He has apologized many times for the brainwashing I received as a child. He has a blog as well if you are interested. I will put it on my main page.
I'm find that a surprising number of people our age feel the same way you do. Being a somewhat non-practicing Jew living in the Bible Belt has it's own challenges, but being able to discuss faith and religion with someone who wants to talk WITH you as opposed to AT you can be quite refreshing. I'm looking forward to more of your ramblings.
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