Step 9...Making Amends....FOLLOW UP...

So I guess it is time for an update on my trip to Friona to try to make things right with my 93 year old grandmother. I loaded up the car on October 27, 2012 to make the 7 hour drive to the middle of nowhere Texas. It had been years since I made that drive but not much had changed other than the wind turbines that clutter the caprock these days. I stayed with my uncle on Friday night. It was a great visit. He is a good guy and great host. We talked about Hannah and how things were going with her. He told me he had no idea how she would react to seeing me but was glad I was there to try. I finally went to bed early Saturday morning knowing that in a few hours I would be heading to the hospital.  I woke up after a few hours of restless sleep and got dressed and headed out. I stopped at the Sonic on the main drag to give myself more time to chicken out but I didn't. I parked in front of the hospital and just sat there. I started to cry and wondered why I was even there. What if she hated me? What if she didn't even know who I was? I pulled myself together and headed inside. The door to her room was open and she was asleep. What I saw was simply a shell of the feisty woman I grew up knowing as Nenaw. She looked old and frail. I took a deep breath and walked in her room.

"So how are you feeling today Hannah?" I said in a matter of fact tone. "Well, my back still hurts but not as nauseous today..." was her response. She thought I was one of her doctors. "Do you even know who I am Hannah?" This question made her do a double take and then the moment of truth. "Jeff??? Is that you???" I answered with a simple "Yes ma'am." She looked shocked and outstretched her arms and started crying and told me to come to her. We embraced and she kept repeating "I am so sorry..." over and over. I apologized as well. It was such a relief to hear those words.

I sat with her for hours just talking about old times and catching her up on my life and family. I gave her a picture of the kids and she held it in her hands for hours. We laughed, cried, smiled, hugged and talked. I could tell she was emotionally drained and needed some rest so I told her I would let her nap and be back by before I headed home. A few hours later I hugged her for the last time and told her that I loved her. Amends had been made. I left Friona knowing I would probably never see her smile again.

On March 10th I received a text from my mom asking me to call her. Not sure why but I knew what her news would be. Hannah was gone. Her old body had finally given up and she wasn't in pain anymore. I made arrangements and drove to Friona again. On March 14th, along with her other grandsons, I carried her to her final resting place. I am thankful for that cold Saturday in late October when I got the opportunity to make things right. I am thankful for the last hug I got from my Nenaw. I smile knowing the last thing we said to each other after years of anger was "I love you." Don't wait until it's too late. Swallow your pride and say you are sorry. Family is family. Love them while you have a chance. Life is short. Keep coming back...it works if you work it.

Step 9 - Making Amends...Not Just For Alcoholics Anymore

Step 9 - Make direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

This Friday, Good Lord willin' and the creek don't rise (one of my grandmother's many sayings), I will be driving from Houston to a little town in the panhandle of Texas called Friona. If you blink you miss it. There is not much up there but cattle and crude oil...the smell of money as my Pawpaw used to say. It is not exactly a thriving metropolis. Although it is a popular destination spot for the occasional tornado. So why make this 10 hour drive? I only have one reason and that is to say I am sorry. Let me explain...

Every summer as a child I spent time in Friona. This is where my Nenaw and Pawpaw lived. I loved my Nenaw and loved spending time there with her. I would shoot BB guns, climb trees, snap peas, eat peaches right off the tree, and we would dig a fire pit and roast hot dogs and marshmallows. I have so many good memories made in Friona. We were always so close. I called her my crazy Grandma. This was not an insult but a compliment that she embraced because she was so different from my other conservative and reserved grandmother. We stayed close as I got older. When I graduated Marine Corps boot camp she flew out with my parents for the ceremony. I never thought anything could happen to change our relationship but it did.

In 2004 we had a falling out. Why is not important. She hurt me and I hurt her. She was no longer my Nenaw. I stopped calling her that and talked about her using her name. It was easier for me to deal with if I separated Nenaw from this person who was now my grandmother. My Nenaw was the one I shared so many good memories with that I didn't want to lose or have tarnished. This person she had become was not my Nenaw. Both of us are extremely stubborn and never reached back out to the other. She has met my son because he was born before the falling out but she has never met my daughter and probably never will.

Eight years have passed since we have spoken to each other. She is 93 years old now and not in good health. She probably will never leave the hospital again.  She is frail and only a shell of what she used to be. Although my mom says she is still as feisty. I need to see her again. I need to say I am sorry for my part in our falling out. I need her to hear me say that. I have no idea what kind of reaction my presence will cause. She may be happy to see me or she may cuss me out. I don't know. All I know is I need to make amends. And I do this with no expectations that she will apologize for her part of our falling out. And honestly I don't care. She is 93 and set in her ways. But I am not. I am striving everyday to be better than I was the day before. Sometimes I slip and lose ground but I still try. This is a very necessary trip in my journey to be who I want to be.

I don't say any of this to say how wonderful I am or to draw attention to myself. If I was going to do that I should have taken this step years ago. Better late than never though. So wish me luck and send positive thoughts my way. This is going to be a very tough drive and a very emotional trip. If it goes well, who knows, maybe I will work on my next amends...my older brother. Keep coming back...it works if you work it.